the bar is about to close. you know because you come here a few times a week. you know their routine. the glasses are being cleaned etc… last call is probably in about five minutes.
you’ve been looking at this one since you walked in. not staring, but, you know. you’ve had these glances returned. you know you’re going to lie in bed thinking about this one tonight. and that’s usually the case because you’re too shy or afraid or lazy, because you don’t ever do more than look and smile, and
but that doesn’t have to be why you’ll be thinking about this one tonight. it could be because this one is next to you or under you or on top of you. or yeah because this one said no, this one had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, this one just wanted to flirt and then dismiss you once this one received their validation, thank you. selfish. that hurts people. but it could be a different reason than most every other time. at least it could be different.
and lucky for you you’re presently in that sunny middleground between not drunk enough to do it and too drunk to do it, and you walk up to this one in time for a final round at last call, and you walk out with this one and you hear the doors lock behind you. you stayed late, last ones out, and you talked a lot more than you thought you would. something is going on here. maybe. something could eventually be going on here. something like that.
so food. duh. you pictured, before you ordered, that you would have the same tastes, and order three and split the third, or whatever, but actually just the opposite. quite loudly opposite, so much so that it’s funny and it feels better that way. both of you are still individual.
and then you are chased out again and you’re back under an open dark empty and it’s cold, and you notice none of this, and that’s hardly because of the booze. it’s now a better and exciting idea that you go home alone and lie down and think about this one. because this one is the one, at least right now. and that’s important. self-important. to now. which is okay, you don’t need to look beyond now.
everything doesn’t need to be something later too. you know what has happened and what is happening, and that’s it. let those things make you happy sometimes just on their own. their value is self contained. their value is not in accordance with any potential, any maybe.